


Enough

by MeCrossYou



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is insecure, Don't know what for, Lightwoods are royalty, M/M, alternative universe, more tags with more chapters, political talks, prince AU, royal au, the rating might also change idk, will get down to some serious shit eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeCrossYou/pseuds/MeCrossYou
Summary: Alec is going to be the next King. However, he believes he’s not really fit for the position. Something has to happen for him to start believing in himself, or maybe he just really sucks.





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not yet sure how many chapters I'm going to write, so for now have a '?'

The smell of sulfur and sweat hung heavy in the air. 

_It’s just a look out._

Alec wiped his face with a sleeve and shot an arrow straight through demon’s, that was about to bite his hand of, head.

_It was supposed to be just a look out._

“We can’t hold them back for much longer!” Jace yelled, swinging his seraph blade towards a Shax demon. The weapon hit right between the demon’s fangs, slashing the creature in half. It evaporated, leaving a heavy scent of sulfur behind.

“Pull back!” Alec shouted, slicing another demon. He looked around. Another five or six demons, mostly Shax, were heading in their direction. He managed to shoot two of them with arrows, but more were coming. 

_We’re so fucked._

Isabelle slashed with her whip, effectively ducking to avoid a torrent of green venom that one of the demons spat at her. 

“Back where?” She shouted over her shoulder at Alec, moving around and slashing her whip vigorously. One demon almost caught her ankle, but Jace got to it first, stabbing it right in the center. “We can’t have them follow us home!”

_So fucked._

“We go round!” Alec directed, voice strangled with the weight of one of the creatures, which managed to knock him down. The demon held Alec in a tight grip whit its claws and was opening its mouth to chew on Alec with a dozen fangs of various shapes and sizes. With slight difficulty, Alec pulled his right leg from under him and kneed the demon in the side with as much force as he could muster in that position. The demon screeched and let go of him. Quickly getting to his feet, Alec sliced the creature with a dagger and turned to Jace, who was battling a worm-like monster.

“Let’s not separate! We can be faster than them when running through a forest!” He yelled, shooting an arrow through a demon that was targeting his sister. “Izzy! You go first, we’ll cover your back!”

“I can cover my back just fine myself, thank you.” Isabelle objected displeased, but moved towards the woods as told. Alec jumped to Jace’s rescue, because his parabatai was still struggling to kill the giant worm.

“It just keeps _wriggling_ ,” Jace grunted with disgust, emphasizing the last word and unsuccessfully trying to chop the worm’s bottom half off. 

Alec shot an arrow at the annoyed creature’s mouth and it gave Jace an opportunity to finish slicing the worm up.

Alec shuddered as the last remains of the wriggling bits vanished. “I hate worms.” He muttered, turning to the woods. 

“Yeah, it runs in the family.” Jace commented with a smirk, but Alec let it pass, since they had to get out of there as quick as possible. More and more demons were appearing in the clearing and there was no way the three of them alone could fight them off. 

_A look out._

They caught up with Isabelle, cleverly maneuvering around the trees and open roots of hundred-year-old pines. The trees were big, their branches nearly covering the sun, only few golden rays seeping through, lighting their path in the dimness of a warm spring day. Alec nearly tripped over a clump of moss and cursed under his breath. 

“Careful, your _grace_.” Jace snickered beside him. Alec was about to snap something back, but a movement caught his eye. One Shax demon followed and found them. It pounced at Alec and was met with a whip, faster than both of the seraph blades pointed at it from Jace and Alec. 

“Looks like it’s me who has your back after all,” Isabelle said proudly with a smile that showed exactly how self-confident she was. And rightfully so, thought Alec, since she was standing on a metaphorical body of a demon she just killed. If only demons left bodies, she would probably be doing that for real.

“Thank you, Izzy,” Alec sighed. “Now let’s just get back home.”

~~~

Alicante was marvelous all throughout the year, but spring was Alec’s favourite. Journey home took much more time than usually, but they had to make sure no demons tracked them back to the city. The setting sun shone through glass towers, casting rainbows of colour on the streets. Alec, Isabelle and Jace passed the city gates while the guards bowed down, visibly uncomfortable seeing their disheveled appearances after a battle. Alec heard their hushed voices as they got further away, but made out words ‘king’, ‘displeased’ and a phrase ‘were not informed about battle missions’. 

_King will be displeased for sure._

He’d heard some rumors of unrest among the guarding squads, especially after a demon attack. There weren’t many, but for the past few months the attacks have increased to almost daily occurrences. People were starting to complain about lack of interest in security, when one particular case almost ended in a disastrous demon outbreak in the city. Usually, one or two demons wandered near the Walls, but at that time there were ten of them. It happened only two weeks ago. People were scared, and in their right to be so. Alec knew something had to be done and soon, but so far, no one came up with an idea how. 

However, that evening, Alicante seemed peaceful and as beautiful as ever. Gold-coloured stones reflected the sunlight and made the city seem magical. As the three of them neared the Gard, the shadow cast by the dark fortress fell on their path. Walking in it felt instantly colder and Alec remembered what was waiting for him inside. 

_A look out._

“Do we have to go in right away?” Isabelle voiced his own thoughts with a sad, yet hopeful tone. 

“You know we do,” Alec sighed. “Father and Mother must be worried. We should have been back hours ago.”

“Can we at least go change in our rooms first?”

Alec contemplated that for a second, but he knew as soon as the news reached the King and Queen of their return, they were to be summoned immediately. 

“Well, when you think about it, they don’t have to know we failed,” Jace drawled thoughtfully, like he was making a master plan in his head. “Then we don’t come down for dinner, maybe send someone to tell them that the heroes of the hour need their sleep after a long and fruitful mission.” 

Alec scoffed. 

“Fruitful? We just had to look around, and we didn’t even manage to do that.”

“They don’t have to know. We can just make something up.” Nodded Isabelle and Jace triumphantly held out his thumbs at her with a huge grin. 

“Are you seriously suggesting we lie to our _parents_?” Alec asked, disbelieving.

“Yes!” Both of his siblings exclaimed at once.

Alec shook his head with a smile. “You do know that would technically be treason, don’t you?”

“Pssht, I’ve been lying to our parents since I was four.” Jace waved his hand at Alec.

“That doesn’t count, you just dented the Royal Throne.” Alec argued, while Isabelle laughed beside him.

“Are you saying that does not count as treason? I think just because of that alone I could have been executed. A legendary outlaw, Jace Lightwood. Sounds tough.” Jace puffed his chest, one arm on his hip.

“Technically, the cat is the outlaw now,” Isabelle said through her fits of laughter. 

“They didn’t execute the cat, so that doesn’t count.” Jace waved that aside.

“Only because they never truly believed the cat actually did it. They just love you too much.” Alec stated, trying to maintain his serious position but failing, smile appearing on his lips. “Let’s just go and get it over with.” He turned to enter the Gard.

~~~

They were informed that the King and Queen were expecting them in the Council Hall and they were to go there immediately. Alec sighed while Jace and Isabelle groaned. Their parents have been in a rather unpleasant mood lately. Ever since the attacks increased, they were even grumpier and snappier than usual, especially towards Alec.

“If I have to hear the word “responsibility” one more time I swear I’ll gag.” Isabelle huffed, walking angrily toward the Council Hall. 

“Then you’ll definitely gag.” Jace nodded, trying to wipe some dirt from his clothes, only making them dirtier. 

“At least you both are not going to get The Lecture,” Alec muttered, not bothering to look more presentable. He knew what was coming and there was no escaping now. 

Jace and Isabelle exchanged sympathetic looks but said nothing. 

_Responsibility_. 

With every step nearing the Council Hall, Alec got more tense, anticipating the dreadful encounter with his parents. He knew they didn’t take failure as a fitting trait of the future monarch.

The guards open the doors to them, and entering the Hall they were met with loud arguments of the Clave members and King and Queen. Three large tables were put together in the center, each covered with strategy maps and figurines. The King was leaning over one map, brow furrowed with concentration. The Queen, however, looked on the verge of a volcanic eruption, her anger as hot and as dangerous as lava and fire. She was arguing with a Clave member, who was visibly retreating with every sentence. No one was willing to cross an angered queen. 

“I just think we should pursue more active actions, my Queen. People are scared,” another Clave member said calmly. It must have taken her a lot of self-discipline to maintain such composure in an argument with royalty. 

“For the last time, Charlotte, it is not necessary,” snapped the Queen. “We cannot risk the lives of Nephilim, in pointless battles. We should direct all the possible guard to secure city walls.”

Charlotte looked about to argue the Queen’s point, which Alec was impressed by, but the Queen noticed them and raised her hand to silence her. 

“Alexander,” she said, face stone cold. Alec winced. 

_A look out. Responsibility._

The King raised his head and huffed a sigh, seeing them.

“This meeting is over. Leave us,” he said to the council members with an authoritative voice. Some of them looked very displeased, but obeyed nonetheless, leaving the hall. When the doors closed behind the last person, the Queen directed her stone cold gaze upon the three siblings again.

“Where have you been?” She demanded, eyeing their apparel with disdain. 

_A look out._

Alec took a deep breath. 

“We were attacked, Mother.” He decided there was no reason to beat around the bush. His parents were as direct as they were strict and they demanded the same from their children. 

“Attacked?” The King straightened up. “On a look out mission?” He raised his eyebrow skeptically. 

Alec winced again. He tried to maintain his composure and appear calm and collective. 

“Our intent was only to look out. We were following orders. However,” he tried to continue, but the Queen interrupted him.

“Following orders?” She asked, rising her voice. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Alexander, but as I recall, your orders specifically stated to keep quiet, unnoticed and look around! You were supposed to keep out of harm’s way and yet you failed! Were you actively looking around for every demon in the three mile radius?” She shouted at him, slamming her hands on one of the tables. 

Alec did not flinch. At least of that he could be proud. “We were very careful, I can assure you-” 

“Assure me? I am not sure by the slightest. Look at you three! You are our children! You are royalty! You are not supposed to go hunting for demons on a whim.” His mother interrupted him again. She waved her hands in their direction, trying to emphasize the less than pleasing state they came back in. “Unless, of course, you found their lair?”

Alec felt shame and guilt clawing in his chest. They didn’t manage to get far from the city. Five, six miles tops. Suddenly, it seemed like every demon were on their heels.

“They were everywhere, just roaming the forest, Mother. We stumbled upon a clearing where there were a few of them.” Jace intervened, trying to take some heat of his brother. The Queen looked at Jace with anger, but it quickly softened. Alec noticed, that if his mother had any kind of softness left, she only showed it to his siblings. 

“It’s true, Mother. We were very careful.” Agreed Isabelle.

Alec was grateful, yet, he doubted the Queens love for his siblings would lessen her anger towards him.

The Queen turned away, like she was done arguing on the same issue, the disappointment evident in her every move. 

“I’m really disappointed in you, Alexander.” Alec noticed how she addressed this only towards him, not Jace and Isabelle. “I was hoping your sense of responsibility was greater.” 

Alec felt Isabelle shift uncomfortably beside him. 

The King regarded Alec with unimpressed look. Then, directed softer gaze upon his siblings. “Are any of you hurt?” He asked. 

“No, Father,” Alec answered for all of them. 

“Good. Jace, Izzy, go clean up,” the King told them. “Alexander… stay for a bit.”

Alec felt like the shame and guilt will tear through his chest, leaving it hollow and burned.

He felt Jace’s comforting hand on his shoulder and saw Isabelle’s supportive smile with a look that said ‘see you later and we can bitch about them together’.

As soon as they left the hall, the King sighed. 

“Alexander,” he began, “we put a lot of faith in you.” 

_Doubtful._

“You are going to be King of all shadowhunters one day. You have to set an example.” The King continued.

_But you think I’m weak._

“And we’d like you to be more responsible.” He finished. 

While Alec tried to muster a good enough response, the Queen spoke.

“Alexander…” She said with a cold, soft voice that was even scarier than her angry voice and shouting, “we believe in you.” 

_Lies._

“There’s no one else we would rather be our successor.”

_Lies_. 

“But you have to be better and not… fail so often.” 

Alec felt the blow in his chest, in his throat, in his heart. He was a failure. He was not fit to be the King. He was not enough. 

The King seemed to have a little more compassion for Alec, who felt like he was dying inside.

“What your mother meant to say,” he said with a pointed look at the Queen, who pretended not to notice, “is that you’re going to be a great king. You just have to be a little more…”

_More than I am._

“A little more responsible.” The King finished, not seeming to find the right words or not wanting to say them out loud. 

Alec took a deep breath, feeling his insides burning. 

“Do not worry, Father,” he said. “I’ll be better.” 

~~~

_I am not enough._

Walking to his chamber Alec felt like a complete failure. 

_I am not fit to be king._

Mother and Father were so disappointed in him and Alec believed they were right. They were supposed to go on a simple look out mission where they had to retreat in shame. That was not an example to be set. He had to lead the troops one day. Of course, the main battlefield work was to be Jace’s job, but Alec was the one who was going to have to make the big decisions one day.

_Leader of all Nephilim._

Alec felt the weight of all the responsibility his parents reminded him of so often crushing his shoulders. 

He had to find a way to be better. 

_Impossible. I’m not enough._

**Author's Note:**

> Bro, you're like... way too harsh on yourself, idek...


End file.
